10th erasure

February 26, 2009

10^th erasure

I feel like doing a little cleaning tonight but I’m not going to because, well, it’s already pretty late do such an activity. This urge started with a table actually. You see, I have this image of a table that keeps on tugging my memory since past seven thirty. I know that table; we have it around the house. In fact, I know exactly where it is but can’t really pull it out, out of whim. I can already picture it in my head – how perfect it would be in my room.

Just received a sweet mail response from my hubby, making me giddy out of concentration.kukuku

Anyways, where was I… oh, the table. As a matter of fact, it is my sister who has all legal claims of ownership to that table. Ever since she asked to place it here for the time being, that table never left the house again and it’s been years… probably even a decade already. It’s been everywhere – the master’s bedroom, my brothers’, my room, backyard, front yard, dog’s place and now, in my older brother’s new room. Before coming to this house, that table has had its own other past memories as well. Neat huh! Today I want it, back in my room.

But I’m not really writing this to tell the story of “that” table or to establish a supernatural connection with it’s wavelengths to uncover its past. That’s beyond my intentions. Actually I’m here to talk about relationship – “friendship” to be exact. So what’s the connection with the table and this friendship? None actually.

Okay, here goes the story of a friend of a friend. She has a best friend. Yes, she’s a she. Who? The she and the best friend. They had a small rift in their friendship brought about by life choices and certain whooping in scale events. Those whoopers slash “events” started happening all at the same time and as much as she wanted to be there for the best friend, she had her own things to deal with as well. It affected their friendship as much as she hoped it wouldn’t. Plus the fact that the “she” is a superstitious, unpredictable gal. Now new things had and are happening in her life where she wishes the best friend to be part of. But, there is a barrier obviously permitting from the best friend despite the words of reassurances that things could still go back to what was before. So it hit her: “If every time an important thing is happening to me and I can’t ask her to be part of it because of fear that she’ll reject me, she’ll miss being in every important things happening in my life. Then we can truly never go back to how things were before”.

Sad, isn’t it. The story hasn’t had its final period though. It’s far from its end but how it would end, she hopes it’ll be for the best. “A “fairytale ending” maybe?”, at least that’s what she hopes.

Now what do you think of my story? I mean, is there anything you can say about it? Oh, and never believe intro’s like “a friend of a friend”. It’s an old trick in the book. Come on. You didn’t fell for it, right?

Feb. 14 blues

I have such good friends. Some who probably thinks I’ve abandoned them. Why, I can’t help if I get unpredictable more days than not and is almost always overruled by silly beliefs. Heck I know it’s silly to believe in them – silly beliefs – but funnily, indifference to them only brings me back to “I told you so’s.” It’s crazy; I’m a slave of many “silly beliefs”. RAWR.

Friendship is not something you can just leave off somewhere and pick up any given time isn’t it? I used to believe that it’s okay that way; that it can still work regardless of boundaries and time. But the more I want to believe it, the more it proves the opposite. Or probably it doesn’t work on everyone. Yeah, right…

I wanted to share the happiest, saddest, scariest seconds and the peak moments of this year for me to a friend maybe. But, oh well, honestly, I feel alone.

Battleground “chin”

February 20, 2009

I went for my monthly facial cleaning session today. Well, it’s not really a monthly regular thing yet but I really want to keep it that way. I have very sensitive and pimple-prone face so I need to have a monthly thing for it. Wouldn’t really be a problem if only I’m not unemployed.

About a month ago, I started using an acne gel which somehow worked for me. On top of that I also started drinking this Chinese medicine which helps clean the blood and keeps your face pimple free. I swear it works wonders but I had to stop drinking it for a while until at least… So having to leave the fate of my face to the gel alone, it was holding up well until I had to wear cosmetics for that special day last 10^th of February. I knew it would happen but I didn’t expect it’ll be that extreme. I hate the salon my mom chose. I’ve always hated it but all the times I still end up having my hair and make up done there – prom night, graduation, wedding, etc – thanks to my mom. She says it’s convenient – near to our place and cheap. I swear she’s an avid fan of that old-fashioned salon and just wouldn’t admit it. She might have compromised herself for the convenience and affordability but not me, I’m gon’na find my own, reliable salon that knows when to keep up with the trends and whatnot.

But this entry is not about finding my salon, isn’t it. Going back to the topic, I underwent intense and painful facial cleaning again. I hated that it hurts – it’s the on the hand prime example of the saying “pain in beauty”. You want to be beautiful? Then accept and endure all the pains that comes with it.

My chin had it worst. It’s like having the attack on Pearl Harbor replayed right on top of my chin. My chin is one of my pimple-prone zones. The cosmetic allergy + very little anti pimple maintainer + the facial hair of my husband rubbing on my chin every time we kiss (ah, one negative side effect resulting from learning the art of kissing!), I earned a pimple-full face enough to be a candidate for a painful battleground.

It lasted for about an hour; I’m hopeful but not fully satisfied. Now I have to wait if it’ll be effective enough to last me at least a satisfactorily month.

Then before we came back home, a piece of meat from the siopao I was eating fell off while I was on an escalator. I knew I had to pick it up not just out of courtesy but to spare the piece of meat from being repeatedly tossed and trampled at the end of that machine. It deserves better.

1000 words

February 19, 2009

I know that you’re hiding things
Using gentle words to shelter me
Your words were like a dream
But dreams could never fool me
Not that easily

I acted so distant then
Didn’t say goodbye before you left
But I was listening
You’ll fight your battles far from me
Far too easily

“Save your tears cause I’ll come back”
I could hear that you whispered as you walked through that door
But still I swore
To hide the pain when I turn back the pages
Shouting might have been the answer
What if I’d cried my eyes out and begged you not to depart
But now I’m not afraid to say what’s in my heart

‘Cause a thousand words
Call out through the ages
They’ll fly to you
Even though I can’t see I know they’re reaching you
Suspended on silver wings

Oh a thousand words
One thousand embraces
Will cradle you
Making all of your weary days seem far away
They’ll hold you forever

Oh a thousand words(a thousand words)
Have never been spoken(oh yeah)
They’ll fly to you
They’ll carry you home(carry you home)and back into my arms
Suspended on silver wings(on silver wings!)

And a thousand words (oh)
Call out through the ages(call through the ages!)
They’ll cradle you(oh yeah)
Turning all of the lonely years to only days(only days)
They’ll hold you forever
Oh a thousand words

I thought it wouldn’t hurt that much but it does… I keep telling others that it was just a short time, how much can it affect me? But…

Sleeping beside each other, hugging until our limbs numbs; passionate goodnight kisses, sweet morning kisses; looking at each others eyes, studying each others facial features when one thinks the other doesn’t realize; touches that may seem nothing but means thousands of words for each other… it was just a month and yet it felt like a lifetime… now that I’m all by myself again, I feel darn incomplete. And lonely.

I miss my husband. I want to be with my husband – the man I love.

(-_-) ponders about happiness

(-_-) ponders about happiness

- – - – - – - – -

One sunny day, (-_-) watched the townspeople go about their daily routines…

(-_-): “He’s a farmer; he’s a blacksmith. She’s pastry chef; She’s a sewer…

They all have a job to do. What about me, what’s mine?”

┐ (-. -;)┌: “It’s your job to make them happy,”

(-_-): “Happy? What is that?

┐ (-. -;)┌: “It’s something inside you where you feel pleasant – light, happy, giggly… Funny dances mixed with emotional explosion and everything shabangbang and shalala~ in between”.

(-_-): “Huh? I get the first part but not the last”

┐ (-. -;)┌: “Of course dummy, you’re not supposed to understand that. It’s my definition of happiness. Go make yours. But the most important thing is, it always starts with the pleasant feeling part so…, now, do you get it?

(-_-): “Hmm… not quite, I’m not sure yet.” *thinks further*

“ …how can I make them happy if I don’t know how to be “happy” myself? What is to be “happy”?

On matters regarding pretending…

On matters regarding pretending…

- – - – - – - – -

┐ (-. -;)┌: “How come you act silly and clueless in front of other people even when you already know the truth?”

(-_-): “Because it feeds off their egos. They become happy like that; thinking they’re teaching you things you know nothing about.”

┐ (-. -;)┌: “But that’s just lying. Who do you think you’re fooling?”

(-_-): “Fools and the fooled. All are but the same.”

(-_-) ponders about the lemming’s greatest fear

(-_-) ponders about the lemming’s greatest fear

- – - – - – - – -

(-_-): “lemmings…

They toil their land from morning till night. I never see them take even a bit of rest unless they come.”

┐ (-. -;)┌: “they”?

(-_-): “Kitsune. The only time they disapper from this part of the town is when kitsune’s come and visit…

Why are they so afraid of them?”

┐ (-. -;)┌: Because they haunt them and throw them off “the den”.

You know that. Why are you still asking that question?!

(-_-): … coz I’m a lemming. And I’m scared.

Stark stalking begins!

Tony Stark: I feel like you’re driving me to court martial. This is crazy. What did I do? I feel like you’re gonna pull over and snuff me. What, you’re not allowed to talk? Hey, Forest…
Jimmy: We can talk, sir.
Tony Stark: Oh, I see. So it’s personal.
Ramirez: No, you intimidate them.
Tony Stark: Good God, you’re a woman! I honestly, I couldn’t have called that. I mean, I would apologize, but isn’t that what we’re going for here? I thought of you as a soldier first.
Ramirez: I’m an airman.
Tony Stark: Well you have actually excellent bone structure there. I’m kinda having a hard time not looking at you now. Is that weird?
[ ...]

—————————————

Move aside Peter Parker, Toni Stark’s my game now.

Yep, I’ve seen it – Iron Man. I thought I’ll never get over parker boy. Damn that genius Stark for stealing my webby affection.LOL

But that’s not the only highlight of my day. Aside from needing to face my boyfriend fresh from bed for the very first time, I was able to buy my very first winter boots and had my very first BaskinRobbins ice cream. Woot! Furthermore, I went to the mall with him for the first time too which turned out a bit unpleasant coz I could go around buying what I want. Remember not to tag him along next time I go shopping spree :p

———————————-

Written: October 26, 2008/12:02am

Currently: dizzy

what do we get from our mistakes?

“It’s through mistakes that we learn.”

- Factory Girl Ms. Feature Editor

Learning through my mistakes – one of my best tools in life. It’s either I take the long and the hard way or I’ll just end up forgetting about it sooner than later. Having an actual experience imprinted on your long term memory makes all the difference.

Not reading thoroughly would be my lesson for today. It cost me my supposedly marriage-related document processing tomorrow. *sigh*

————————————–

written: October 18, 2008

­

new founds

I’m really tempted to just thrown all these in one post. I know it deserves more than just “a” post but my headache is not cooperating with me.

Quotes taken from Paulo Coelho’s blog site:

“The consequences of our actions, are the scarecrows of
fools, and the beacons of wise men.” (Reflections of the warrior of the light)

The two hardest tests on the spiritual road
are the patience to wait for the right moment
and the courage not to be disappointed
with what we encounter.
(Veronika decides to Die)

Story:

The town and the two streets

By Paulo Coelho

The following story is told by Sheikh Qalandar Shah in his book Asrar-i-Khilwatia (Secrets of the Recluses):

In eastern Armenia there was a little village with two parallel streets, called North Way and South Way, respectively. A traveler from afar walked down South Way, and soon resolved to visit the other street; however, as soon as he entered it, the merchants noticed that his eyes were filled with tears.

“Someone must have died on South Way,” said the butcher to the textile salesman. “That poor stranger, who just came from there, look how he cries!”

A child heard the comment, and as he knew what a sad thing someone dying is, he began to cry hysterically. Before long, all the children in that street were crying.

Startled, the traveler decided to leave immediately. He threw away the onions he was peeling in order to eat them – that being the reason his eyes were filled with tears – and went off.

However, the mothers, worried by their children’s weeping, soon went to find out what had happened, and discovered that the butcher, the textile salesman and – by this time – several other merchants, were all deeply concerned about the tragedy which had occurred on South Way.

More rumors began to spread; and since the town hadn’t many inhabitants, everyone on both streets knew that a terrible thing had happened. The adults began to fear the worst; but, since they were worried about the gravity of the tragedy, they decided not to ask anything, so as not to make matters worse.

A blind man who lived on South Way and didn’t understand what was going on, decided to speak up:

“Why such sadness in this town, which as always been such a happy place?”

“Something terrible happened on North Way,” answered one of the inhabitants. “The children are crying, the men frown, mothers send their sons home, and the only traveler to pass through town for many years, left with his eyes filled with tears. Perhaps the plague has hit the other street.”

Before long, rumors of an unknown deadly disease spread through the town. And since all the weeping had begun when the traveler visited South Way, the inhabitants of North Way were sure that that was where it had begun. Before nightfall, people from both streets abandoned their houses and left for the mountains of the East.

Centuries later, that ancient village where a traveler passed peeling onions continues abandoned to this day. Not far away, two settlements emerged, called East Way and West Way. Their inhabitants, the descendents of the former inhabitants of the village, still do not speak to each other, for time and legends placed a great barrier of fear between them.

Sheikh Qalandar Shah says: “all in life is a question of attitude towards things, and not the actual things themselves. It is always possible to discover the origin of a problem, or choose to enlarge it in such a way that I no longer know where it began, its true size, how it can affect my existence, and how it is capable of distancing people I used to love.”